Right, you lot of oiks, I have a bone to pick with you. In my last post about my courgette that resembled a donkey's pizzle, the phrase "marrow" cropped up. That coincided with a visit from my elderly mother who wanted to see what an Idiot's garden was all about. She too cautioned me about "marrows". Being concerned, I hacked the 15 inch long fruit off and quickly cooked it. The first thing that surprised me was that when I sliced it up, it had no seeds! It also tasted like no courgette I have ever eaten.
So, I did a bit of research. What I discovered both surprised and shocked me. First I'll tell you what surprised me.
The Trombonchino is a climbing courgette. It sends out tendrils which wrap around things for support. It has currently wrapped its tendrils around a trellis, some bamboos, my French beans and itself. It's obviously not very smart. When the fruits are young, they are pale green. As they get older, they turn creamy coloured, and then finally they go a coral tone. This is when their skins start to harden.
The Trombonchino can grow six feet in all directions, and is invasive, as my beans are discovering. It is shade tolerant, and doesn't like too much water. However, it does love a bit of manure (don't we all). The fruits are solid flesh, and the seeds are solely in the flower end, which grows to be more swollen than the shaft (ooh err missus!). This explains my childish mirth at it resembling a private part of one of the well endowed equine family.
The Trombonchino does not turn into a marrow! Got that? It does NOT turn into a marrow. I am informing you of this, and I have informed my frail elderly mother of it too, with no lack of force! If left to grow until it changes hue to a coral tone, the skin hardens and it can be stored like a winter squash.
Now, I'll tell you what shocked me.
The fruit of the Trombonchino can grow to 1.5 metres in length! Imagine that; a five foot long courgette! Here's the thing; this is my beef with garden bloggers (and my mother). If I hadn't been such an idiot and listened, I wouldn't have picked it and eaten it. Bloody hell, I was nearly a quarter of the way to a five foot courgette. Oh well, like buses, they'll be another one along any minute!
Oh how you make me laugh! Whether you like it or not you have done a very good deed today. Many Thanks!
ReplyDeleteDear IG, I realise that, whatever your protestations, you NEVER have and, in all probability, NEVER WILL listen to ME.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I have dispensed gold standard advice at every opportunity, have cautioned you from the most dangerous aspects of your idiocy as necessary and have even counselled you with regard to potential marital difficulties, still you have chosen to spurn me.
But perhaps, on this occasion, you will pay some attention. For just what, I ask, can be done with a 1.5m [I use European measurements since I believe the said vegetable is foreign]Trombonchino? Mrs IG, like any sane woman, will not, I assure you, give it houseroom and, whatever your culinary skills may be, transforming a salmon-coloured, tough skinned,giant torpedo into something delicious fit for the dinner table will defy Delia never mind you.
So, dear IG, whilst you are able, RIP OUT the entire Trombonchino, trellis, bamboos and all, cast them on the bonfire and enjoy a perfectly charming and, in my view, delicious runner bean instead!!
1.5 meters? The mind boggles.
ReplyDeleteI realised one thing about growing veg this year- it is such a faff! I'm giving up and going back to ornamentals and relying on the local farm shop.
Mind you, a big Trombonchino would be something to boast about, and you say they take some dry and shade?
I missed your previous post regarding this "Italian Zucchini"!! I grew this variety three years ago. It's a wonderful type. I hate to inform you that my plant grew to be about 30 feet long! I harvested several that were between 3 and 4 feet long! I made a very large pot of capanata with it and canned it. (Capanata is usually made with eggplant) Needless to say, we still have 3 jars left!!
ReplyDeleteNever ever listen to gardeners, especially your Mum. My Mum told me about 'Bit o carpet' and how it would stop slugs from eating my cabbages. It was if I'd laid down the bloody red carpet for em.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know what a marrow is... but I confess that I hope you let the next one grow. I can't wait to see a five-foot long salmon-colored zuke. Sounds just right for your punk-rock garden, IG. ;)
ReplyDeleteOi, don't blame the bloggers! Why on earth didn't you do your research first, BEFORE you cut off your organ-like veg?
ReplyDeletePS I love your blog - it makes me laugh.
1.5 metres in length, you could make some good money with that!
ReplyDeleteSeeing as I'm not a gardening blogger, I can hold my head high and say "It wasn't me, I didn't do it".
ReplyDeleteThis also means I have oik-free qualities. I am oikless.
Just goes to show that you can't trust anyone! Hey, you said I was born lucky because I got my camera and rain in the same day.... looks like my luck ran out that day since I walked around the office for three hours this morning with my fly down and not a soul told me. Guess I won't waste my time on lottery tickets!
ReplyDeleteHmmm 1.5 meters. Could it be the Ooosik of the courgette world?
ReplyDeleteIG look up ooosik and get a chuckle.
As for courgettes... everyone learns something, and I think you are learning quite a bit. Don't you?
Would make a decent draft excluder if nothing else! Be interested to know what it tastes like if you manage to nurture one to full size.
ReplyDeleteMea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa!
ReplyDeleteJester, one tries one's best!
ReplyDeleteAh Edith, were it so that I had the intelligence to heed your wisdom, I might have made something of myself. Alas, I fear it is too late, for even though I have fled to the countryside, the stench of Tottenham High Road is still firmly ensconced in my nostrils!
Rob, 1.5 metres is the challenge. Vegetables a faff? Surely not!
Robin, you give me hope; you see, size does matter in the Trombonchino world.
UDG, my Mother has learned her lesson; I recently visited her (another post coming soon) and refused her any of my garden produce as a punishment. Oh, and I beat her to within an inch of her life too!
Meredith, my longest one dropped off last night, so we're awaiting a new contender.
Carolyn, that would be too easy!
Kilbournegrove; I'm not even going there!
Bub, oikless indeed. Maybe you should tell the widower that you're oikless; see what he makes of that!
Tracy, fly open, fly closed; it's all a state of mind! Try just wearing no trousers, see if they mention that.
Upinak, they will always be oosiks to me from now on!
Damo, apparently they go sweeter the longer they are.
Is, I have nothing to say. (Sobs gently).